On January 7th I did something I thought I would never do. I ended my relationship with Mandy, well took a break. It was the hardest thing I have ever done and it might possibly be the hardest thing I will ever have to do. Mandy means and meant the world to me. I never thought I would loose feelings for her or be as unhappy as I was. I’m torn apart because of this. I feel like I might have made the biggest mistake of my life but at the same time it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Should I be more upset about this than I already am? Life is a crazy and weird thing. It’s awful that people have to hurt and feel so bad but I guess that’s just our purpose of living, to feel. I know it sounds all corny and lame but I believe that’s why we’re here. If only life was easier and we were told what to do and how to feel and who to be with. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful it’s not that way. I miss Mandy and a part of me whishes I hadn’t done what I did. But another part of me is glad that I did it because it needed to be done. I am unsure of what I want and to be alone is the only way I will truly figure it out. It is going to take time and I have no clue how much time and I feel like a complete asshole for what I did. But I don’t want to go running back to Mandy because I feel sorry. That’s not the right reason to be with her. I do love her and I will always love her. She has impacted my life in more ways then people know and I am thankful to God that he brought her to me. My life would be in a worse place right now if it wasn’t for her. She helped me out a lot. She made me a better person. She made me who I am today but things just weren’t right. If me and Mandy are to be together later in life then I know it’s meant to be. But right now things need to be figured out, on my part and hers too. At least that’s the way I feel about it. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the beginning and do things differently but I can’t. The bottom line is I love my life. I love who I am and I love the people who are in my life and the ones who I have left and who have left me. I have no clue what the future holds for me but I look forward to it and I look forward to every day that I have left here. I am thankful for everyone and everything I have. I know at times it may not seem like it and I may take things for granted but deep down I am truly thankful. This life is amazing and I hope it never ends.