i'm going to make one more post tonight to try and get some respect back. my last 2 posts were and are pretty pathetic and i apologize if any of you wasted your time reading them. something is just wrong with me for the time being. i wish i knew what it was but i'm not exactly sure. i'm trying to dig deep into my soul and figure out what has me down but nothing seems to be coming to mind. i'm typing all of this b/c i feel as if it is a way i can get everything out and perhaps come up with some answers. the only thing that is really getting to me that i can think of right now is my loneliness if i am correct. it's around the holiday season and being alone is something that i do not want to be. i know life should not be bad without a love in it but i can't help but think about it. every night before i go to sleep it comes to mind and i get tangled in my emotions over it. sometimes i even go to bed with tears in my eyes. i understand that this is all silly and probably an over exaggeration but it all means something to me soooooo deep. so long have i waited for love and it has not come my way. i know in time it shall be mine but time is something none of us really have. we are all young yet and changes happen and they are not always the best. i can cope with being alone for the moment but i know that this is not all that is bothering me. it's something more, something to do with my past i believe or perhaps my future. figuring this out may take some help and some time. i will keep you all informed on my status and if you care to wonder more call me. i'm sorry if this has been a waste of your time. again please forgive me but i must say how i feel and feel the truth for it is what i live off of.