I want to say I’m doing better but to do so would be a lie. I’m having a hard time accepting what I’ve done. It’s good to hear that Mandy is going out and having fun and at the same time it hurts. I want to be able to not care. I read that Mandy was going on a date and my heart sank. She probably needs it though, to get over me. If that’s what it takes then she should do it. It kills me to know it but I did this to myself. I was the one who made the decision to end our relationship. I didn’t think I would be as affected as much as I am. I still feel like Mandy is mine but she’s not. Ahhhh I’m so stupid. I need to get over what I did, I think. I need to not worry and care so much. I’ve done what I have done and there honestly is nothing I can do about it. Even though I miss her I can’t go back to her. It’s too soon. How can I know what I want in 3 weeks? I can’t. I know I’m getting upset for the fact that she’s going on a date and I shouldn’t, I just shouldn’t. I’m acting like a little kid. I let something go and I know it’s not mine anymore and because I don’t have it I want it back. Maybe it’s best that this is happening to me. I need to be hurt. I’ve made mistakes and I should pay for them. I didn’t do anything that I regret. I am all over the place in this entry and contradicting myself up and down but oh well. I have to accept what I’ve done. Because of the things I’ve done my life will never be the same again and I don’t know if it’s for the best or not. ARG! Why am I being so damn retarded? Just calm down and shut-up.