Yesterday and into last night I started reading my old blog entries. They brought back so many memories, good and bad. I miss the way my life was. I shouldn’t dwell on the past but I had it pretty good. I was so sure of things and the way I was and the way I wanted to be. I need to be that way again. I have to stop second guessing myself and just live life. I have to do things. I can’t keep sitting here on the sidelines watching my life go by. That’s what I’ve been doing for some time. I’m not taking initiative. While reading my old entries I started to cry. I was so freaking happy most of the time. I still am but it’s like I learned from my past. I saw how I was and I want to be that way again. I’m probably just repeating myself but that’s fine by me. I was really happy with Mandy and I use to say how I loved her so much because I did. I was sure she was the one for me. Then I fell into temptation and lost my ways. I have no clue why this happened. I realized last night all the pain that I have caused myself and others. It came barreling down on me and I laid there in bed and cried about it. What have I done? What have I become? I still believe that I am a good person I just fell off my path. I need to get my life back on track, one step at a time. I’m just wandering around in my life waiting for things to take place and I must stop this. I will get no where and I will be pathetic my whole life if I continue this way. There are so many things I want to say and want to do but I’m just waiting for a sign and I’m not getting one. I’m at a loss of what should be done. I know it will come to me. I will get my life back the way that I want it.