it's me. how was everyone's night? mine well, if anyone wants to know it was not that great. i had my up and downs. it's Friday though...ahhhhh the weekend. to start off my night i picked up Sheik and we went over to the mall. although i was hungry, i still did not eat anything b/c i was waiting till later. as we walked the length of the mall i ran into some good friends. while speaking with one in particular i came to find out that a girl....you may all guess....is and was talking crap about me. with this to my knowledge i was saddened but then i thought to myself it may not be true. some more thinking went by and i also came to the conclusion that if all of this is to be true, fuk it. what right would she or anyone have to talk shit behind mine or anyone else's back. personally i think it is completely messed up and immature. if you don't like someone then tell them and for God's sake don't mess with there heads and have the decency to let them know what is going on. i mean damn, people really piss me off. im going to complain or call it whatever you like about this whole situation. either way someone is going to get bitched at. come on people someone either lied here or is talking shit, now which one it is i have no clue but when i find out the truth the shit will hit the fan. today was not a good day to start off with and this made and makes it worse. i know i may sound stupid right now but as you can guess i could careless. fuk all these stupid ass shit talkers. yes it does piss me off. not just tonight if it's true but everyone in general that does it. i mean if you're messing around with someone and they know it that's kool but other then that FUK OFF! wooo...just venting at the moment. sorry for not being my touchy self for the time being but SHIT, if something is going to be said say something good and with respect. don't speak of injustices or inaccurate accounts and with that don't even talk if you have something negative to say for that fact that most people don't want to hear it. if someone is going to be a bitch to me then BE A BITCH TO ME! don't waste you're time making fun or shit talking behind my back. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh gosh dammit. FUK IT ALL! i'm going. maybe later if i feel up to it i'll post a less vulgar entry but i need some answer and i need to calm down before that can happen. later kids. i'll speak more of night on another one.

i'm going to make one more post tonight to try and get some respect back. my last 2 posts were and are pretty pathetic and i apologize if any of you wasted your time reading them. something is just wrong with me for the time being. i wish i knew what it was but i'm not exactly sure. i'm trying to dig deep into my soul and figure out what has me down but nothing seems to be coming to mind. i'm typing all of this b/c i feel as if it is a way i can get everything out and perhaps come up with some answers. the only thing that is really getting to me that i can think of right now is my loneliness if i am correct. it's around the holiday season and being alone is something that i do not want to be. i know life should not be bad without a love in it but i can't help but think about it. every night before i go to sleep it comes to mind and i get tangled in my emotions over it. sometimes i even go to bed with tears in my eyes. i understand that this is all silly and probably an over exaggeration but it all means something to me soooooo deep. so long have i waited for love and it has not come my way. i know in time it shall be mine but time is something none of us really have. we are all young yet and changes happen and they are not always the best. i can cope with being alone for the moment but i know that this is not all that is bothering me. it's something more, something to do with my past i believe or perhaps my future. figuring this out may take some help and some time. i will keep you all informed on my status and if you care to wonder more call me. i'm sorry if this has been a waste of your time. again please forgive me but i must say how i feel and feel the truth for it is what i live off of.

"i'm broken to the world and empty to myself"

monkey in the air, monkey in the tree.
what is that falling on my head?
well, it's monkey pee!

sleep with nothing but love
love nothing but sleep
die to love another
but do not love to die.

wow, don't ask we what i am doing. i'm just kind of blah at the moment and tired with mixed feelings about some of life's situations that have been thrown at me. in other news...love. hahaha. woooooo. yes i went there. my life, my thoughts, my body and soul. oh yeah. i'll leave that topic for a moment and speak of my dream last night, and what a dream it was. i was located in Alan's house in the what use to be the band room with two, yes two ladies. one thing led to another and well, the 3 of us were having a good ol' time. i woke up a little happy and then feel back asleep. i have heard that you are not supposed to remember good dreams only bad ones but if this was not good then what was it? i feel a tad sickened by my dream however b/c it dealt with sex and other sexual related things. i am not one against sex just premarital sex and that is what a part of it involved. now in my dream i made the decision to have sex but in real life i have denied it several times. what is trying to be said through my dream? i have no clue. if anyone believe's it to be something let me know please. thank you. i have much to talk about but not enough time to type. i shall continue some what of my talk in my next entry or perhaps later on down this road we call life. as for now, i love you all. goodbye.

this entry is entitled LESSON N EBONICS

how yous all be doing? me i's tay but been done better. me day twas chitty. i been waitin' fo' beauty to call me but none dat happin'. i taut to i and comes to da concusin dat maybe shes don't like i. i twish tis wasn't tru. what me to does? i have poblem wit words now days. helps me pwease. leave comments if yous like. it mays be of help. i need to be gizoing now. mizabye i's post lata and nots be so gizay in dat i's sizay. piggy peace.

well, it's me again. school..tis a funny thing i must say. nothing good has come my way from school and the thing that gets me the most about it is the fact that a letter on a piece paper is supposed to tell you how good you are at something. the only person and or thing that can do that is YOU! i'm sickened by people thinking they are better than one another by a grade. it's sad and it disgusts me. the only thing enjoyable about school is your friends or a frekin' great teacher but you only have like one of those a year. i'm just tired of people bragging and complaining and dropping out and overall just flat out hating one another over stupid shit that will get them nowhere. anywho, how is life everyone? mine has been better but i shall not complain about such things. guess what? in about a month i will be 17! kind of scary and to be honest i'm not looking forward to it. a party will be held at my house on Saturday December 8th. anyone who knows me personally is more then welcome to come. gifts shall be accepted but if none are brought just having you all there will be the greatest one. i am not sure of the activities or events that will occur nor the time but if you need more info call me or IM me whichever you prefer. oh and by the way i will invite you anyway so just feel free to ask then as well. now it's my time for love again. i'm sorry but it is the thing that is most frequently on my mind. in almost every post i will speak of it...just to warn you or let you know. i am alone as we all know and waiting for that someone. i know i should not look for love and i won't, i just hope it comes to me soon. the talk of love will cease for now, i do not want to bore you or perhaps put a damper on your good day. i apologize if i have inconvenienced you.

"there are a million ways to say your wrong but there is no way to repair, somebody's heart when it's breaking."

hey everyone. it's me. well, i'm sitting here thinking to myself about love like usual and i have come to the conclusion that love is what i live for. i mean without it i would be nowhere. i have friends and family that love me and i love many things i do but, i do not have that special someone that i want in my life. that i want to hold, and cherish and never let go. that is a time i wait and long for. i have thought up a poem about the way i feel and if you care to read on you will see it and perhaps understand my thoughts and feelings.

my heart beats alone,
the sun, the sky, the moon, and the stars bring me life.
my open eyes waiting and looking for that love,
one so great it shall never fall.
yet i think,
is it all real?
have i been made to experience such a bliss?
am i the one to be loved?
my mind sees the wonders of the world,
and my heart, it feels them.
as time to itself i shall in return receive a gift,
one to cherish and have forever.
no longer shall my heart beat alone,
it shall beat with the sound of another.

yes...yes...yes...i think i got the comment thingy working so please leave some..hey! i'm off to sleepy land...sleep well kids...

hallo...this is my first post and i really don't know what to talk about. well, i hope everyone had a festive thanksgiving break. mine was rather interesting with ups and downs all along the way. to start my break off i went to the mall Tuesday night with my buddy Sheik and then to the OHS b-ball game which we won..wooohooo. after these events we drove ourselves to steak & shake were we both consumed some rather tasty food and such the night was coming to a close. Wednesday was rather long and i don't really remember what i did, however i do remember meeting an incredible girl named Vanessa, which through the help of my friend Brock i gained access to her number...yessss. Thursday, (thanksgiving) i had family and friends over for the din-din session which was rather scrumptious i must say and then i went to meet my friend Brian up at Parton Elementary. while i was waiting the cops came and asked me to leave and wanted to search my car at the time for drugs and or alcohol..psh, fukkin' pigs! with that out of the way i returned to my family and then later on that night went to Alan's for a terrible viewing of "Freddy Got Finger"...bro all i have to say is fuk that movie. after seeing such shit we then viewed "Dracula 2000" a much better and overall well made movie. Friday was the day of practice, the day of our show. Practice was long and tiring and sad. Will my brother was not going to play the show b/c he had been called into work...damn stupid people...thus leaving Frank to play the show. he did a great job and it was a blast playing in his presence one last time. after the show we did some parting at an non-mentionable location and sleep was really not an option with all the drunks around however i did manage to get a few hours in. Saturday (the big day)...i Brian Brotz managed to somehow get a date with an amazing, incredible, and not to mention beautiful young lady. the night started off with me picking her up and geez was she stunning...my mouth literality dropped at the site of how gorgeous she was. then we drove down to waterford lakes where i had planed to dine at the Macaroni Grill but with numerous amounts of people outside had to settle for T.G.I.Friday's. dinner was good but the conversation we had lacked some...i mean she is great but me being who i am and as shy as i am could not think of anything to say, i didn't want to mess up on my first date with such an astonishing girl. after dinner we went to see a movie. we sat in and watched "Shallow Hal" a rather funny movie but with a good moral so i think, the movie would have been more enjoyable though if the couple next to us was not making out and all over each other but there was nothing i was going to do .again i almost cried at a very touchy part of the movie or so i thought it was touchy...this had been my second time seeing this movie but it had not mattered to me b/c i just wanted to spend time with Vanessa. after the movie i drove her home and then surprised her with some baby roses. the whole night was my treat and i hope to do it again sometime but without all the awkwardness. later that night i went back to Brock's house in hopes to see Vanessa again but my hopes were shot down. thus leaving us on Sunday. the Dolphin game...the fish beat Buffalo..hell ya buddy...i went over to target and chili's that afternoon with my friend Mark. when leaving, his car would not start so we bought a wrench from target and after fixing the problem we then returned it and got our money back..some day that was. now monday is here, school is back and SHIT, i can't wait for the weekend!